The moment I made the decision to move across the country from New York City to Boulder, CO, my life was forever changed in ways I couldn’t possibly perceive at the time. The moment a dear kindred spirit reached out and answered my plea to the universe, offering me a helping hand and a way out of the nightmare I had been living, was the moment I began to own my life again.
I’m going through this sort of culture shock after having been transported from one extreme environment to another. From one of tightness, shame, and isolation to one of space, compassion, and connection. Learning to appreciate this life and to no longer take it for granted, this is the gift I have been given.
It is difficult to be away from my family during this transformative time in my personal journey. I have a kindred circle of found family here in Colorado that I grow to love deeper each passing day. Coupled with my gratitude for these amazing human beings I have come to call family is a sadness that I cannot easily see my mom, my brothers, my step dad, my grandparents, and my aunts, plus all the friends I miss so dearly on the East coast. What my relationship with my family went through leading up to my decision to move to Boulder was one of the breaking points for me in terms of getting me to wake up and see how my life had spun out of control and that a big change was needed. I wasn’t aligned with myself at all. I was angry, confused, traumatized, and becoming more and more reactive to my deteriorating environment.
I had sacrificed everything I had for someone else’s idea of a revolution, without seeing the necessary personal evolution I needed to go through in order to be healthy and effective. I had given up my idea of freedom for someone else’s. I take as much responsibility myself as I give to them. I made decisions every day to stay in situations I knew I didn’t want to be in, that friends and family warned me against.
On the other side of all of this, I feel like I have seen the light! After the fog lifted, time yielded to perspective. I began to rebuild and fall in love with my own life and being. I continue to be surrounded by human beings that inspire me to grow and create and keep pushing forward. My family and I have begun healing. It means more than anything to me that I have a relationship with my mom again and that I know I have family I can rely on to always be there no matter what. It’s what strengthens my resolve to keep on my path and keep creating the families and communities I want to be a part of, wherever I am.